My boss have so much expectations in me. And she's aging. I gotta help her out !

after 4 months of continuous working, i managed to give myself a break last night.
and i was so glad that i made this move.
Though it was just the 3 of us at Aurora, spent quite a bit of money on transport, food and drinks.
3 moody people met and sort of seek companionship from one another.
The fact that i got an answer to my question, made the entire night worthwhile.

A question that i kept myself thinking and doubting for 9 months.
i will write out just in case i forget one day :)

1. Someone could leave you not because u aren't good for her, she just want her freedom to expose herself to new things in life.

2. Do not just find someone who loves you, find someone who will make you wanna love yourself more.


Thank you " Auntie " !

心情烂透了。
这么辛苦拼命做工for what ?

She hurt him. He Hurts her.
Why make life so difficult for everyone?
What happened to our concept of love?
I shall start planning for myself and start loving myself more each day.

lets just relax abit for the end of 2011.
party, celebrations and many more.

Things are gonna improve!

ｏｋａｙ．　ｊｕｓｔ　ｔｏ　ｋｅｅｐ　ｍｙ　ａｇｅｎｄａｓ　ｉｎｔａｃｔ．

１．Ｐｌａｎ　ｆｏｒ　ｂｄａｙ　ｐａｒｔｙ
２．Ｉｋｅａ　ｔｒｉｐ
３．Ｐｉｃｎｉｃ
４．Ｂｒｅａｋｆａｓｔ　ｔｒｉｐ
５．Ｓｈｏｐｐｉｎｇ　ｆｏｒ　Ｓｈｉｒｔｓ．Ｔｉｅｓ．Ｓｈｏｅｓ．

Breakfast with Doris.
We shared about our childhood experiences.
She teared when she mentioned about her mom.
Taught me a little here and there.

Told me to buy a simple japanese car first.
how about my plans for A5 ?

i feel that human beings can sometimes be described as Cars.
When i talk about human beings, im referring to the external looks, physique

Supercars like Ferrari , Lamborghini would be those HOT looking people.
Normal commercial vehicles would be like the Average looking people.
Exotic cars attract alot of attention and many would want to own them.
and those normal sedans would be less attractive or tempting to the eyes.

and Next, the driver would be the qualities of a person.
You can be a hot-tempered person which means road rage.
You can also be a civilized driver who is gracious on the traffic.

A Ferrari enzo driver may/may not be gracious,
and a Cherry QQ driver can/cannot be hot-tempered.
By default, we judge people from their exterior.
be it the looks, brands they carry and possessions they own.
And after awhile, we tend to be so engulfed with things that are so exterior.
and preferences become judging points.
Using more analytic than sensual. (more brain than heart)
If seeing is believing, what about feelings?

as we grow older, our desires will manifest at a higher rate.
we want fame, wealth and appearance.
Thats very normal. nothing wrong about that.
To own luxury items, to be famous and to be confident.
But friends, remember not to be over-engrossed with the sidekicks.
because we are not living with the birkins, maxi or trevis..
Choosing someone for life could be the most crucial decisions ever made.
Therefore, learn to use the heart to feel a person through dialogues or hardships faced together.
and establish a human touch to everyone you meet.

i believe, " who you are is how you are. "

Time passes.
And im left with 11 days to my Ord.
i'm relatively busy than chilling away.
The adulthood, career is really gonna start pretty soon.

Year 2012 will be the year i'm going to start earning some bucks and saving them.
Nevermind about love.
Leave it to the cupids :)

can't believe i could stay awake for 21 hours and continue studying！
and i am going to make it !

you dont have to take my feelings for granted.

miss those days seeing you dozing off while we were watching “我猜，我猜，我猜猜猜＂

OMG. i wish i can overcome this Crucial stage of catastrophe in my life!

rainy days.


today i spent 4 hours sitting in batok's Macdonald's.
baby steps to discipline myself for revisions.
as i was sitting there doing my mock papers, i realized many others came with their girlfriend.
i couldnt help it but started retrospecting.

going to mac and study together seem like a very simple day-to-day thing in the past.
but, to find one person who totally feels for you and able to spend quality time together now?
like sitting together, sharing iPod, bringing a cardigan out for girlfriend, buy her fries,
disturbing her, doodle on her notes, hiding her flip flops when she dont realize it.
i miss those days.

its not so much about " that particular " person, but its about having that " someone " there.
i guess im starting to get used to my Forever Alone lifestyle :)

oh goddddd...
my brain is sooooooo loaded with facts and lots of theories !

fatigue became my new best friend :)

seeing shooting stars lately.
they seem to like me.

Another phase of life is commencing.
towards adulthood and working life.
i can feel the build-up and intensity of workload coming my way.
i guess i am made to be busy and to whine lesser.
i should be concentrating on my goals for now.

i think i made a right choice :)

it hurts,
because i havent stopped loving you.

im not the only person that is going through a emotional turmoil.
guys around me also drop tears or cry badly on their bed.
i guess these days, we became weaker and weaker.

each of us have our own ways to release our agony and pain.
by exhausting oneself, by making oneself so busy that he will not think of anything else.
by singing, relating his own story or memories through the lyrics.
by hanging out with friends, pouring his feelings and go home feeling empty again.
by making new friends, knowing that they wont replace our unhappiness.
by using rational,practical quotes, which never works on a stubborn mind.

we know whats right and wrong but we tend to fall backwards due to the emotional attachments.
i wish i can get out of this quick.

i am trying all means to get you outta my head.
i want to stay above the water.
i want to be normal once again.
i will be better than who i used to be.
i havent changed a bit.
how about you?

you are water.
i am fire.

we can never make it together.

A friend of mine shared with me why someone will react in various ways.

Being quiet and reserved.
Being less interactive towards others, bf's friends and family.
Being complying and easy going
Being a girl who cries easily

And then after, becoming someone different and still keeping some of the traits.

Still being quiet and reserved.
Still interact lesser and prefer to be passive
Knows how to say no and rejects more than accept
Cry lesser or even dont cry at all.


i guess its all because of age and experience.
confidence level and inferiority complex.
not everyone is manufactured or fabricated in the uniform way.
some people find it hard to express themselves.
while some others find it hard to keep it within themselves.
some people prefer to do something so that they wont regret
while some people will regret doing something.
if you have a choice, would you wanna express your feelings ?
some people comply because they are accommodating,
some people comply because they are afraid.
when times change,
feelings shouldnt change.
methods , ideas and approach should also join in.
there are so many reasons why you chose to behave this way.
but i know i could have done better job.

I wish nothing but the best, For you.



If everything was meant to happen, i rather not start something.
On the first day when we started building our little home,
i've never thought of leaving or destroying it.
It was a place to nurse my feelings and solace in love.
I'm glad to say that i dont regret being with you.
I cherished the times with you, even doing silly things or purely staying at home.
Time actually draws the heart closer to one another,
strengthens the bond between us.

The fact that you could start loving someone, shows how much you lost your love for me.
Sometimes i do hope that i can be like you. To simply move on.
But of cos, you are moving on, how can i not move on?

When i look into our pictures, i wonder why your smile looks so sincere.
when i look into our messages, i wonder why you were so loving back then.
If you are facing nightmares, i wish all these are just a nightmare that i can wake up from one day.

You have my best wishes, love.

everything's good.
leaving the world behind us.


i shall start travelling soon.

说不出你爱我的原因
却说不出离开的原因...

why am i thinking of you all these while ?
why am i always thinking of the past ?
Do i have any choice to not let you go ?
Can i choose to be with you ?

i guess by now, i am convinced that i had true feelings for you.
i can hide all these feelings and act like a tough guy..
but whats the point of deceiving myself ?
i am too used to having you by my side.
i spend most of my time with you during our years together.
nothing seem to interest me now that you've gone.
you seem like the most compatible partner.
i cannot save myself from all these emotional torture.
i wish i could just lie to myself that i hate you, i dislike you, i never loved you.
but i cant.

I never expected our love to end.
needless to say, i never expected you to leave me.
in every relationship, there will be problems, obstacles and challenges.
these are inevitable.
i dont expect you to be perfect , of course , i do wanna be as perfect as can be.
but what i merely wanted , was for you to be there for me and to try again.
Dont give up on a patient when his heartbeat is still beating.
If really one day, his heart stopped pumping, continue to resuscitate him.
and if he really cannot revive, then " pronounce " him dead.

i accepted you for who you were.
your preferences, your fears and your taboos.
i did whatever i could to keep the relationship in peace
but you left me with so many reasons all because you couldn't accept me.
you left me when i didnt want to let go of this relationship.
you expected me to just " dont love you "

why do i have to accept you in the first place, and get ditched by you for things that u cannot accept in me?

26th July is the day she declared single.
I have tried to salvage the relationship,
But lost to her determination.

3 years 6 months and 17 days ended like a blink of an eye.
Tell me what can be eternal in life?
The good times, the Bad times.
why cant you just fight on and go through hardships together with me?

unknowingly, i will be giving myself a lot of stress.
and i know in order to succeed, i have to be resilient.
Keeping a blog is good, i wish i have time to do so frequently.
It keeps the memories and events in place, where the brain has got its limits.

Today's the first time i see my dad cry.

We went to visit popo over at her place yesterday.
It has been at least 5 years since popo last stepped into her old flat.
I could see that there were a lot of changes being made to her flat.
Most of the old furniture were discarded and the entire orientation have changed.

This weekend has been weird.
People around me seems to be unhappy, i dont feel happy either.

Looking back at my photos and entries,
i question myself, " how much have i changed ? "
Have i changed to the change that i am looking for ?
Seeing others around me achieving, accomplishing and establishing..
i wonder how far am i from becoming that someone whom i really wanna be.